This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
