He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
