She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
