I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
