So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
