In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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