at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
