I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Randomize
