Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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