I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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