i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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