yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
