Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
