you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
