He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
