Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you had me at cake vodka
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
