Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
