1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
