Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
