just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
