Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
