There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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