THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
