I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
