You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
