Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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