someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
