He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
