walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
