There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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