I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
