Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
