Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
