no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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