textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
