The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
