Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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