I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
