My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
