my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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