we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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