A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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