Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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