marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
