My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
