So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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