it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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