So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
