I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His hands were made for my vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to wash the frat house off of me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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