dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
