Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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