I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
