apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The ass gains better be worth it
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