So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've blown a few things in my day
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
