There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dear god my vagina.
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